False positives...

For the last few months Lawrence and I have been trying to have another baby, and on our own it was not a success, so this month I was put on fertility drugs. I was on Clomid and then Lawrence had to give me a shot of Nouvel. It was horrible. The side effects are that of pregnancy to the extreme! I was hormonal, nauseated, had hot flashes, etc. On Thursday night, even knowing it was a week too early, I took a pregnancy test...it was positive. I was so excited! I called my doctor to make sure the drugs could not give false positives and he said that since I had been given the shot almost a week before that it shouldn't be a false positive, that normally the shot is out of your body after 72 hours. Well, I took another one, and it was negative. Another one before bed and it was positive. I went to bed thinking two positive tests was a good sign! Even though it was early there was a chance of triplets this month, so I thought that maybe all three took and I just had a lot of the pregnancy hormone going on. I was wrong.

The next morning at the doctor I took another one and it was negative. The symptoms have continued all week, and still nothing...all negative tests. My doctor said that if I don't know by Friday to give him a call for another prescription of Clomid (you have to start taking it the third day of your menstral cycle). But, I called him for it yesterday because I just know that I am not pregnant, I just have that empty feeling...and it is a very depressing feeling. To know that my body had the chance of three babies, and none took, makes me feel like such a failure.

How fair is it that fertility drugs make a person who stresses about getting pregnant to begin with have the symptoms of pregnancy along with positive tests? And when did getting pregnant become so complicated? I know so many people who are having a hard time getting pregnant, needing doctors, meds, etc. I guess I just wanted that feeling of, "oh gosh, I'm pregnant. How did that happen?"